Ayodeji is one of the sons of Hon. Abike Dabiri-Erewa. He talks about his mother, her political career and life with MOTUNRAYO JOEL
Let’s have your brief introduction.
My name is Ayodeji Dabiri-Erewa, I am the second son of Hon. Abike Dabiri-Erewa. I studied Electrical and Electronic Engineering in Communications at University College, London. I recently relocated to Nigeria, I’m through with my National Youth Service Corps scheme and I’m currently working at a start-up company, where we do indoor advertising. My elder brother works at an oil and gas company and we are both happy to be back in Nigeria.
Can you talk about your mother’s personality?
Growing up, she had to be very tough on us because she was a single mother. She trained us well, taking into consideration the nature of her job; she was able to balance work and family. Raising my brother and I was a joint effort because sometimes, she dedicated responsibilities to my cousins and aunts. Even my brother had his own share of responsibilities . My mother didn’t believe anyone was too small to handle responsibilities. She was also very involved with our school work— she never missed parents/teachers meetings and she helped with our assignments. My mother remained strict till we went to secondary school, she then allowed us a bit of independence. Then, our relationship changed, she became friendlier and more loving.
How was growing up?
It was great, we didn’t lack anything. I had a normal, humble upbringing. We were all very close with our extended family. You can describe us as one big family. My childhood was spread across Lagos — Festac, Ogba, Surulere, Victoria Island. It was like parents exchanging children. I had a great time. My mother did her best for us and enrolled us in excellent schools. She made sure we stayed focused in school. We had a good time. My first primary school was at Ogba, a school called Ebunoluwa, and then I later moved to Air Force Primary School, Victoria Island and Greenwood House School, Ikoyi. My secondary education was at Loyola Jesuit College, Abuja.
Did she visit you often in school?
While in the secondary school, she used to come almost everyday. But while in the university, she visited us often but not every month.
How was it growing up without your father around?
I have many fathers in my life. Honestly, it wasn’t an issue. My extended family and my family are are closely-knit and they played a big role in raising my brother and I.
How did she handle reports about her first marriage?
She remained focused on her family and career—she didn’t let such disturb her. I guess her hard work paid off because she has been successful in her career. I think everything made her more hardworking as a professional and mother because she didn’t have the margin for error when she was a single mother.
How do people react when they hear your surname?
It depends on where I am, but I try not to say my surname every time because it comes with a bit of attention. Sometimes, people are able to spot the resemblance even without me introducing myself, this happens quite often. At the end of the day, it’s something I’m grateful for. I hear great comments about her, some people, especially women, say if they would ever go into politics, it’s because of her. I am grateful for all what she has done for herself.
What special privileges have you enjoyed being her son?
Sometimes, when I’m at the airport and Nigerian Immigration officers see my passport, they allow me easy passage and say, ‘You can go, Aunty Abike’s son, please go, we love what your mother is doing.’ They don’t even ask for anything in return, it is humbling.
How did your family handle her move from journalism to politics?
She discussed the decision with me and my brother before making the move. I believe, for her, it was the next logical step to take because she loves helping people out. I call her ‘Aunty Abike’ because she has so many children. Quite a number of people call her that too. She was born to serve, and we knew it was something she wanted to do. We supported her decision.
Were there times you were scared for her life?
Yes, usually during election periods. There was a time gunshots were heard at one of the political rallies she was at, but we thank God she was well protected. We are grateful for everything.
Does she plan to fully retire from politics soon?
She has pulled out from contesting for the House of Representatives seat. She has been there for 12 years and has served her people with honour, dignity and passion. Nobody can tell her she didn’t do a good job. Though, if somebody calls her to serve in a political or private capacity, if she thinks it’s something she can do, she may give it a try. I know her future is bright.
But why did she pull out from contesting?
Politics is not a do-or-die affair; one should retire after one has served well. For her, it was a personal decision and we supported her decision. It is rare for Nigerian politicians to retire from politics.
What does she say about women and politics?
She says a woman is endowed with power, strength, grace and energy to do anything she wants. We live in a society that naturally favours men. In political appointments, that is the trend. But she thinks one’s gender, age, and tribe shouldn’t hold one back. One needs to distinguish oneself and make work stand out. This has been her principle. She feels we need more women and youth in politics.
Do you have plans to go into politics?
Not in the immediate future. Initially, I was against it, but I’ve been paying more attention to politics and I’ve realised we all can’t keep complaining and not stand up for change—there is the need to stand up and make a change. People think politics is a dirty game, but there is nothing worthwhile that isn’t difficult.
How was she able to carve a niche for herself and emerge as one of the most successful women in politics?
She was extremely dedicated to the job. There were a lot of things given to her that may have been considered little, but she was able to turn them into big things. She built them into things people began to take notice of. When she was appointed the Chairman, House Committee on Diaspora Matters, no one knew or heard anything about it. But today, Nigerians abroad now see her as someone they could go to for such issues. It is because of her hard work. She puts in her best in anything she does. She is also honest, straightforward and does her work very well.
On a lighter note, how long has she been friends with Funmi Ajila-Ladipo?
Their friendship has been on for ages. We grew up with Aunty Funmi’s children, I can’t think of when she became a factor in my mother’s life. She was just always there; they go out to big events together, dress alike and are very close.
How long do they take to dress up?
Surprisingly, my mother doesn’t take much time in dressing up; I’m not sure about Aunty Funmi.My mother may spend a bit much time on her make-up —probably 30 minutes. We don’t wait too long for her.
What does your mother splurge money on?
I believe because of the nature of her job, she spends money on spa treatments. When she is going to the spa, we collect her phones because she doesn’t like to be disturbed throughout that day. We don’t disturb her when she is at the spa.
What kind of mother is she?
She likes to know who are children’s friends are and she relates well with our friends. She likes to be involved in what we do. She is trustworthy and loves to trust people. From a young age, she used to give my brother and I money to keep for her. My mother basically knows all I do; I don’t hide things from her and she is easy-going.
Did she impose her career choice on her children?
Not at all, all she wanted was for us to have an idea of what we wanted and have a laid out plan on how to achieve it. She regularly mentored us on how to achieve our goals.
Does your mother advise you and your brother on the type of woman to date?
No. Her principle is, ‘be happy with whoever you choose.’ This is all that matters to her. After how her first marriage turned out, she says one can plan a relationship or marriage, but at the end of the day, God determines how it turns out. She tells us to choose someone that makes us happy.
Speaking about second marriage, did she tell you about it at the initial stage?
Yes, it was something we discussed at length. Even before their relationship got serious, she let my brother and I know of him. At that time, we were about leaving Nigeria, and we were quite happy to share the responsibility of taking care of her with her new husband. We supported her decision.
Describe their marriage?
Their marriage is excellent, it is a great example of two different people coming together to become one. Their marriage has blossomed because they understand each other and they are mature. From their marriage, I’ve learnt that if two people care about each other, nothing can affect their union. Though she isn’t perfect, there are some things she didn’t teach us which her husband was able to educate us on.
What values have you imbibed from her?
Hard work. She has taught me to keep my head down and focus on my job. She doesn’t have time for unnecessary things. When one works hard, people will call one to appreciate one’s work. She has also taught me forgiveness. She is someone that forgives a lot; she doesn’t have time for grudges. I’ve also learnt how to be genuinely kind. She is almost kind to a fault and this is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt from her.
What is it that Nigerians don’t know about her?
When she was in the university, she wanted to become a musician and an actress. She was part of band in the university and they used to perform. She still sings one of their songs. She wanted to take it more seriously. She tried auditioning for roles, but I think it didn’t go well.
What challenges did she face at the Nigerian Television Authority?
Initially, I think she wasn’t getting the right reports that displayed her strength. They gave her responsibilities, probably, considered small. But she was able to turn them into something big. Even if one gets something that isn’t what one wants, one can do one’s best to turn it around. That is what she always preaches. I think my mother is able to turn anything into gold. She keeps on pushing ahead; she takes things as far as possible.
How does she handle disagreements with your step-father?
They could have opposing views, but they talk about it and reason things out. Their marriage is just like any other marriage.
Who were the famous faces you saw at home?
She was the most famous face I saw. But then, I saw governors and ex-commissioners. But she likes to keep her family away from her work life. She is a private person and her perfect Sunday is to sleep, laze around in the house and relax.
Describe her daily schedule?
She is always on the move a lot. A big part of her schedule is travelling. She has a flexible schedule .
How sociable is she?
She is a friendly person but she doesn’t go out of her way to be overly social.
What is her favourite food?
Beans and plantain, but of late, she likes it with fish head. If you give her beans, plantain and fish head, you have taken her to heaven!
How do you feel being her child?
It is very humbling; I don’t take all she has achieved for granted. Even meeting important people in Nigeria whenever I go out with her, is a blessing. It is just an example of how far hard work can get you.
How close are you to her?
We are very close, we speak on phone regularly.
Where does she see herself in the next five years?
The future is bright, we are working on some things as a family, it depends on how things take shape after the elections, but she may make a comeback to politics, she may surprise everyone, it is an option.
What are her weaknesses?
Kindness. She is kind and there are times when people offend her but she is quick to forgive them. She doesn’t bear grudges, I feel she needs to be a bit sensitive to people who have wronged her in the past. This is my view.
Does she exercise?
Yes, she exercises regularly.
How does she discipline any child who erred?
If any of us did something wrong, she had a special way of handling things. She would discipline us then and give us soft drinks afterwards. She also used to make us narrate our wrong acts to visitors.
Did she beat any of her children?
Not every time. But if were beaten at school for something we did wrongly, she wouldn’t beat us. But if we weren’t beaten at school, then she would beat us.
Does she use cane?
Not at all, she doesn’t use cane.
How does she like to dress?
She has a lot of suits and native attire. She has many people making clothes for her, but her choice of style depends on the event she wants to attend. She isn’t extravagant in dressing.
What does she do when she wakes and before she sleeps?
She prays, eats and watches the news.
What has been her saddest moment?
I believe early in her career in politics and on the floor of the House, there were bills she tried to sponsor that didn’t go well. One was the Press Council bill, which was to improve professionalism and welfare of journalists. But those who she regarded as friends, who sat down to discuss the bill, were the first to deliberately spread false information about the bill. It wasn’t a great time for her, but because of the kind of person she is, she pulled through everything. That was when she mentally shifted and became a stronger person within. She limited her exposure and became calculated with her decisions. She started to take politics more seriously. It was a sad time for her professionally.
Name things we don’t know about your mother?
She is a funny person. In the scope of her work, her humour may not shine through, but she is funny. She comes from a big family, she has six siblings and numerous relatives. She is a devout Muslim and has gone for Hajj so many times. She says her prayers five times a day. She encourages us be serious with our religion.
What makes her happy?
She enjoys family time and interacting with young people. Youths who have ideas, goals, dreams, she loves advising them.
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